The Pharaoh, the Thief, and the Moral Rant of DOOM
by Shadow Orenda
Summary: Ever wonder what Thief Bakura was like as a kid? And ever wonder what Pharaoh Yami did to thieves when HE was a kid? [COMPLETE]
1. Thanks, mister!

A/N: Okay, okay, I admit it. I was trying to think of a fanfic to write about little Thief Bakura, when I happened to think of this clique I'm in, Egyptopia The current layout is "World's Most Lethal Moral Rant," and thus "A Young Pharaoh, A Young Thief, and the Moral Rant of Doom" was born. So, credit for this idea goes to SerenaArythusa. By accident.  
  
*glares*  
  
Fine, fine, I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!, either. I hope you're happy.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Okay, little boy, you're free to go."  
  
Bakura nodded happily. "Okay!" He started to skip away, but the priest stopped him.  
  
"Oh, and- boy!"  
  
Bakura halted. "Yes, mister?"  
  
"You won't steal any more, will you? If you're caught, the disciplinary actions taken will be quite severe."  
  
Bakura tilted his head. "What's that mean?"  
  
The old priest looked stern. "It means you'll have to see the Pharaoh about your crimes," he warned. "So be careful, okay?"  
  
"Okay!" the boy said cheerfully. "Thanks, mister!"  
  
A very nice boy, really, thought the priest. "Thanks for what, little boy?"  
  
"For this, o'course!" Bakura cheerfully held up a small golden statue of the sun god Ra, a statue that belonged to this very temple.  
  
"Wha-- hey! Put that back right this instant- GET BACK HERE, YOUNG MAN!" But the boy was already laughing and skipping away. "Ohh. . . guards! GUARDS!!!!"  
  
The little thief glanced over his shoulder, giggling at the chaos that had ensued, and thus was caught completely off balance when he ran smack into a guard. 


	2. Moral Rant of Doom

Bakura rocked on his heels, his eyes roaming curiously around the room. Ra, would you look at all that gold. . .  
  
"—and are you listening to me, young man?!"  
  
Huh?, thought Bakura. "Oh, yes, sire!" he said aloud, nodding vigorously.  
  
The Pharaoh frowned thoughtfully. "You know, I don't think you are, really. Come here, boy."  
  
Bakura approached the throne cautiously. The Pharaoh grabbed the little thief by the ear and dragged him forward until they were almost nose-to- nose. "Owww!" whined Bakura.  
  
The Pharaoh nodded, satisfied. "Yup, you'll be listening now, won't you? This always works when the priest does it to me."  
  
Bakura studied the Pharaoh's face carefully (something that is about two inches from your face tends to grab your attention, did you know that?) and was surprised to find that the supreme ruler of Egypt was actually younger than him. That was one funky headdress, though. Really weird, even for a Pharaoh. . . oh Ra, wait a minute, was that his hair? No way, it couldn't be. . . Bakura couldn't resist. "Is that your hair?" he asked the Pharaoh (what was his name again? Yumoo or something?).  
  
The Pharaoh stopped mid-rant. "What?"  
  
"That weird thing on your head. Is it hair?"  
  
The Pharaoh- Yami, that was it- frowned indignantly. "Of course it's hair, and it's not weird! It's very nice, not like that scruffy white mane of yours!"  
  
"Hey!" Bakura pouted. "I like my hair. It makes me look like a wolf!" He bared his teeth and growled fiercely, causing Yami to cringe, but unfortunately not to lessen his grip on the little thief's ear.  
  
"It makes y-" Yami stopped himself. He was the Pharaoh, for Ra's sake, he needn't stoop so low as to argue with an impudent thief. "This is ridiculous," he proclaimed. "I'm supposed to be convincing you that stealing is bad, you see." He took a deep breath. "Very bad," he continued. "Bad! Not good, nonono, bad, bad, BAD! And blah blah blah. . ."  
  
Bakura sighed and tuned him out again. His eyes traveled across the Pharaoh's jewelery. Gold earrings. . . valuable, but it's tough to steal earrings when they're on someone's ears, even for the future king of thieves. About a zillion necklaces. . . now that was tempting, until Bakura considered that royalty wore very tight necklaces and how upset a lot of people would be if he strangled the pharaoh, even if it were by accident. . . Bracelets. Shiny gold bracelets. . . just loose enough to be doable. . . and sooo pretty. . . Bakura's hand inched toward the arm that didn't hold him by the ear.  
  
". . .a very bad thing to do!" Yami ranted on. "And doing bad things. . . is, uh, not good!" Bakura ignored him, holding his breath as he slid the bracelets off of the Pharaoh's arm and carefully slipped them into his pocket. Yami didn't seem to notice, immersed in his morals lecture. Bakura breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
". . .and don't you huff at me, young man!" Yami ordered, completely misinterpreting Bakura's sigh.  
  
"Yes, sire," Bakura said obediently, trying not to laugh.  
  
Yami looked mildly surprised at actually getting a response. He coughed. "Umm. . . good." He cleared his throat importantly. "Well, I hope that you understand now that stealing is a bad thing to do, very bad inde-"  
  
"Yes, sire," Bakura agreed quickly. That didn't mean he'd give it up, though.  
  
"Good," Yami said, letting go of the thief's ear. "All right then, you can go now." He sat back on his throne, satisfied that his wise teachings would have a positive effect on the boy's life.  
  
And Bakura, who would someday be known as the king of thieves, skipped away happily, the Pharaoh's gold bracelets jangling merrily in his pocket.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
A/N: You like, I hope? Short, ne? Yeah, I think so too, which is why I'm writing a sequel, and probably more after that. The 'thief boy' Bakura character is just so much fun to write.  
  
And if you were to review, it would please me muchly. *bows* 


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